more and more it seems like everyone my age is getting married. yes, i am aware that i am not the only one still not married, but it feels like it some days. Sydney got married right out of high school. Sierra followed two years later. then Nicole a few months after that. Shelby just got married. a bunch of other kids i went to school with are engaged or married. the part of me that still feels that high school need to fit in with them all wants desperately to be married.
if you know me at all, you know i am a hopeless romantic who day dreams about getting my very own Disney fairytale ending. i've never given up hope on this dream, even through all the drama that marraige has caused me. well, i gave up once. for about a week. then realized i am who i am and that's a princess who will get her ending. so whatever.
i can't help but want that ending now. even though if the reasonable part of me knows i don't want that right now. i still print pictures out, doodle on notepads, and put them, and my ideas, in my secret dream wedding folder. a little crazy, yes. but again, whatever.
i've had one oppourtunity to get married. the question was never asked, but i could have minipulated the situation to get married. but at that time, i didn't want to get married. i don't know if it was that no one else was, or that i knew i wasn't ready.
now that everyone else is i'm seeing it could have been a symptom of wanting to be part of the cool kids club. i'm old enough to see that. and i'm wise enough to know better than to run off and get married because everyone is doing it. i've also learned patience. i often i feel i wasted 5 years of my life on the wrong guys, and now i feel like i've met the one...and i have to wait. it seems unfair. at the same time. i know it's the right thing to do. i want to get married yes, but more than that...i want to be so madly in love with my husband that nothing can tear us apart. no football game, no sale on clothes, no woman, no man, no nothing. i know that takes time, dedication, and of course, love.
so time goes by. and i'll just sit and wait. perfect the craft of love and add notes, clippings, and dreams into my folder. it may take a few years, but i know when i'm 80 i'll look back and say, it was worth the wait.
